Where were you, Jesus? A double-edged question for spiritual healing
Many Christians go through life unable to honestly dialogue with God about the disappointments and hurts they carry, overwhelmed by the pain and brokenness of the world and the traumas they have personally survived. We’ve been taught that we have no standing to question God, that everything happens for a purpose. We may fear that asking the question will start us on a path of deconstruction where we might lose our faith, and besides, talking about these things with God requires a level of intimacy and trust that we may not have or feel ready for.
As a spiritual director working with someone who has been through significant trauma, loss, or suffering, I want to help them get to a place where they can honestly address their hard questions directly to God in prayer, in their own authentic, unsanitized, messy way. Often a significant step forward is when they can articulate those hard questions to me in a spiritual direction session. Once they are able to articulate these things to me they are almost always able to respond positively to my invitation, “would you be willing to say to God directly what you just said to me?”
They may pray something like, “Where, were you, Jesus, when my mother died, when my parents neglected me, when my church hurt me when systemic injustice was so destructive? I know you are good. I know in my head that you love me. But that flies in the face of my experience. I went through hell and you were not there, you didn’t save me from this suffering, you didn’t intervene.”
Being able to articulate “Where were you, Jesus?” in prayer, even in an accusatory way, is a huge step forward spiritually because it is a huge step forward in relationship and intimacy with God. If you are a parent and your teenager is mad at you and hiding in their room, refusing to come out, you wish they would just come and talk with you directly. That’s how God feels as well. God wishes the older prodigal son would just come talk to him about his resentments. God longs for us to be willing to address our grievances with him.
When someone brings these hard questions to God, notice that nothing about their trauma has changed and their question has not been answered, but something profound has happened. Saying “Where were you, Jesus?” clears space in their relationship with God, space for God’s work, space for healing, space to listen to God. People typically feel emotionally lighter, with a sense of release. The burden of holding back that question has been heavy, and they often feel immediate relief. I imagine Jesus smiling at them, so glad for this step forward in their relationship.
Stating their accusatory question, “Where were you, Jesus?” allows them to begin a season of engaging the same question in a new and inquisitive way. “Where were you, Jesus? I didn’t experience you there with me, Jesus, but I want to be able to see how you were with me, how you were at work, there in my time of trial.”
Jesus is always with us, at work loving us, caring for us. And Jesus has always been there with them, even in their time of trial. Often the directee has already named some of the ways he was with them as they told me their story, people God brought into their lives to support them, ways they were provided for, etc. Asking their accusatory question now gives them space and openness to see anew how God actually was with them. The question “Where were you, Jesus” takes on a whole new meaning.
Some of the ways that God was with them in their time of struggle will become clear as they review their story asking this new inquisitive version of the question. But God is also alive and speaking to them and may reveal things that were not apparent in their history. Sometimes I invite directees to take some time in silent prayer and listen to see what God might say, and I’m continually amazed at what God does in those times. God may say nothing, but give them a sense of peace. God may tell them that he loves them. God might say that he is so sorry for what happened to them, that he didn’t want that to happen. God might give them an image of him with them during their time of trouble, holding them, weeping with them. Etc, etc.
In my experience, the accusatory question of “Why did you let this happen to me?” often is not directly answered and does not completely go away, but they experience a deep sense of God’s love and care for them, that God has been with them, and the accusatory question no longer is of primary importance. They know God’s love and care for them in a new way. Their relationship is unclogged, and they begin to experience more healing and freedom.
In my own experience, praying the Ignatian Exercises with a daily heart to heart with Jesus has been a context that God used for me to ask this double-edged question. I see now some of the ways God has been using it in my life. But it is an ongoing joy to see God doing this work in my directees, deepening their relationship with God and expanding their terrain of freedom.
© Dale Gish 2020. All Rights Reserved.
If you are interested in praying the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius with me starting in September, please contact me.